About

Benihime - EP by Killer Bee

For Kanon.

What is there left to say? I’ve put it all out there for better or for worse. I think ‘Corazón’ or this album could speak better to it than my writing here. Most of ‘LNR_[05]’ too. The moment I met her gaze, anything that wasn’t her in my heart was instantly seared away. I spent that summer running away from those feelings until finally, during the final week of the residency where I met her, the feelings kind of hit a boiling point. I didn’t want to live with regret so I gave in..and it swept me away like a flood. I couldn’t outrun it. I still can’t. I feel her in every heartbeat. I see her eyes in every sunset. I hear her voice in the susurration of leaves in the wind..but I’m trying to close the door now.

Half of these songs were supposed to be on ‘Sagrada’ but I realized I was actively sabotaging other possible relationships because not only was I comparing others to her in my mind but also because I thought it wouldn’t be right to be with someone while actively writing music about someone else (since songs are a process and usually take me a month or so to finish). So I scrambled to compile this album in an attempt to close the door for good. Up until I met her, music was everything to me. I never thought I could meet someone who could change my relationship with music for the better. In my relentless pursuit of my art, I hollowed myself out. I had formed a toxic relationship with it and I stopped living. Every second I spent away from music felt wasted, knowing that someone out there was getting better than me at it. In the back of my mind, I was incredibly grateful for the opportunity to pursue it for so long and devoted myself to it knowing the chance to pursue it full time might never come again. So every moment I wasn’t working on it felt like wasting time or dismissing the sacrifices my family had made for me. And up until the residency, I never thought I could meet someone I could love more for than music. That wasn’t even a possibility in my mind for five years until suddenly.. there she was. Sitting on a porch in Maine.

When I met her, it felt like my soul recognized hers. Like I could have guessed her name before she said it. I also saw three angel/lucky numbers within a ~1 hr time span the day I met her. I was going to a party hosted by one of the art museum’s employees and I think I arrived at the house I was staying at to get ready around 4:30pm or so, but the clock on the air conditioning panel in my room was still on daylights savings’ time so I saw it when it read ‘3:33’ (3 is my lifepath number). I then checked the time again as I walked out the door and it said 4:44— my mom’s number. Finally, I checked the time as I was leaving the party and it read 5:55. A fourth angel number eventually presented itself when I looked up the day we met which I later used for a song title— july 7th or 7/7. And me being Jose the 7th, that number has always meant something to me and I thought it was amusing that it formed 777. But I’ll shut my delulu ass up before I embarrass myself further lmao. Even if it might have all been meaningless, I’m grateful for the music I made that was inspired by her. I hope it reaches her.

The album is named ‘Benihime’ after Urahara’s bankai from ‘Bleach’ which is one of my favorite animes (TYBW is so good). Urahara is my favorite character so I found it poetic when I found out the full name of his bankai: ‘Kannonbaraki Benihime Aratame’, referencing the Buddhist goddess of mercy whom I’ve previously compared this woman to on albums like ‘Corazón’ since her name is only one letter from it. ‘Benihime’ means ‘Scarlet Princess’ which is how I kind of see her in my heart and how I would want to treat her. I want to cook all of her meals for her, forever. And the bankai is able to restructure anything which is also appropriate since I felt like she restructured my soul when I met her. Finally, I edited the text on the album cover to mimic the Bleach panel where the art comes from and loved the artwork since that’s what it feels like: the echo of her presence towering over me. So I hope you like it, black cat, because it’s all for you.

See you cowgirl..someday, somewhere..

Love, Bee